I started a Forensics elective at SIS in 2012, seeing the need for kids to explore their lives, find their voice, and experience confidence in both presentations and simply the day-to-day interactions with others. I have to say that as SIS shifts its focus to STEAM education next year, I am sad to see this elective come to a close as I leave the school to move onto a new country and school.
There have been incredible original pieces created by students in these years of Forensics, and this one I simply had to share. Even as adults, I believe that we can empathize with this feeling that Lisa, a sophomore, articulates in her poem. I am absolutely proud, of course, of my students for using the language techniques that they learned in the class, whether it be anaphora, metaphor, simile, imagery, epistrophe, anadiplosis, chiasmus… you name it, and they rocked it. However, I am forever touched by the power of my students’ words and their ability to reach deep down inside themselves to explore Life.
As a teacher, I followed up with Lisa to ensure that she was all right. That she was expressing in words what we sometimes feel, but that she wasn’t on the verge of being a danger to herself. But she shared with me that these feelings are feelings that we all can identify with, and as she struggles to be the empowering friend that she can be to her particular friend who is especially struggling these days, she wanted me to know: “Ms. Cho, I’m okay. She will be, but I just needed everyone to know that we’re not alone when we feel this way.”
Beautiful.
Here is her introduction and poem, and I hope you’ll leave a comment to empower her just the same… and by default, her struggling friend.
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Introduction:
Have you ever used the phrase ‘I’m so depressed’? Have you ever had gut-wrenching feelings of sadness, anger, frustration or defeat drown you, wave after wave weighing you down? Have you ever attempted to do something that went beyond your reach… yet all you could do was recoil and shrink back into desperation?
1 in 4 people are affected by a mental illness at some point in their lives. Through watching Buzzfeed videos on Youtube, I became inspired by Mental Health Week and it really centered my attention on how little of the experience we actually understand. We may not be able to completely relate to depression or anxiety as an illness, despite being able to experience both. I can guarantee we’ve all experienced times in life when we feel like we are trapped by loneliness, because the world is just closing in on you.
I myself can say I’ve been through hard times, and I know many people who have, too. Therefore I wanted to show anyone that has had a hard time that there are people who can understand and empathise with you to the best of their abilities and to try to display the experience of what people go through. I want to show you that there is more to mental illnesses than meets the eye. I want to show you that a word like ‘depressed’ doesn't just mean sad; it means desperation, incapability and defeat. Therefore I present to you my poem, which I hope through general knowledge, incorporation of my own personal situations and experience of others, can help begin to [articulate your own feelings to conclude that you’re not alone].
The outside seems but picture perfect
A house, a family, education
Financial support, a bright future
All a chamber when you have no wings to fly
I feel trapped
Colours swirl and disappear
Because behind the image and photo and film
I know a world that sees a difference
Look at me
I’m fine, healthy, glowing even
But behind these doors
I’m yelling and screaming
I feel trapped
Trapped in a home with a door to leave
Where day after day I still depart free
Yet come home in the dark feeling empty
To have it all used to mean
Hard cash, clothes and material things
But now I see it means absolutely nothing
When you don’t have any freedom
I feel trapped
A new definition that shines brightly
Glowing in my face
Blinding
Day after day, week after week
My thoughts go wild
And then dissolve
A wildfire blazes through my mind
I feel trapped
Longing for the days when I could soar
Spread my wings and reach for the sky
Until that dreadful day you clipped them dry
Happiness
Used to be so easily achieved
But it wasn’t until now that I can see
What the want for it has done to me
I feel trapped
Because of you
Holding me back, limiting me
Laying out the boundaries
You’ve caged me in
And pushed me out
Thinking you’ve done good
Thinking you’ve done all that you could
I feel trapped
Yet I am free
My words burrow deeper with each passing day
Locked in the back chamber when they should have been freed
Expectations pressure me
Eyes watch me with disbelief
“It’s all in your mind” they said
“You’ll feel better soon” they said
I feel trapped
Don’t tell me that I’m confused
I am me who’s simply afflicted
By a new light and path that’s waiting for me
You can give me words, give me pills
You can lock me away
Try to fix my thrills
But you can’t hide that I am ill
I feel trapped
A puppet in a world of strings
With no will, no way
Waiting for a day they’ll be torn
I wait and I wait
With each passing moment
Eyes dry but they could fill an ocean
Letting each hand pass on the clock
I feel trapped
And not just because I have no wings
But because you’ve taken me for sin
Shooed in shame and humiliation
My sorrow turns to anger
Every inch of me wants to flee
To find a place where I can be
At bliss
I feel trapped
By the words you use on me
But don’t forget
You are the one that made me
No chances are given
Instead replaced with chains
You think that by holding me
You’ll be helping me change
I feel trapped
And I wish you could see
How the unseeable bars of guilt hold me
How something so small could do so much
Better to beg forgiveness
Than to plead permission
You can keep the evil from me
But you can’t keep me from the evil
I feel trapped
And alone in a world that’s my own
Can’t be heard or understood
So I am excused
The calendar stands blank
I see no more joyous days
So I look to something above it all
I look to find new ways
I feel trapped
And I’ve lost all hope
There is no understanding, no lenience, no pity
So I let myself slip down the slope
I allow every little tear
I allow every new rip
Whether it be from fingernails
Or a knife trail
I feel trapped
And I let myself hurt
Knowing that at least these wounds
Will still find a way to heal
I let my emotions flow
Out of every new cut and new burn on my body
I let them flow from me in the colour red
The only colour I have left
I feel trapped
And there is nothing I can do
But count down the days
The few short days until I'm through
